in my head

ruminating. living in reverie, all my waking hours. i think about it now and well, i have always been like this, at least since the accident. when will i ever not be ruminating? dwelling? obsessing? constantly rehashing, replaying, wondering, twisting, revisiting, recreating? it's the writer in me, i keep saying. the writer in me, constantly daydreaming, living in reverie, never settled, always deep in thought--about school, lost friends, ex-lovers, sexualities...the list does not end. it wears and tears and i am starting to wonder if i will ever be able to live differently. what is it like not to ruminate? i don't think i know.