myself and 2 grad students walked out of our "latina feminisms in the americas" seminar yesterday with our professor.
"how's your semester going so far?" one student says to my professor.
"you know, not well," she responds. "i feel like i have been playing catch-up since the semester started. and i was very sick for over week just after the semester began."
was she taking the words right out of my mouth?
myself and the two other grad students agreed that their semester had been going the same way. for me, it has definitely been a rocky start so far. returning from new zealand left me all too melancholy. it took my awhile to get excited about graduate school again. i was in the hospital vomiting violently for hours into the night the third week of january. the first week of february i discovered (to my utter surprise and dismay) that my financial aid did not, and will not come through. i have been feeling like there's not enough time in the day to study.
"there's something strange about the start of 2010," i said.
"yeah, you know, i think i am going to restart 2010 this weekend, with the chinese new year." my professor continued, "it's the year of the tiger, and my birth year is also the year of the tiger. i think that has some significance."
"i am the year of the tiger, too!" i shouted, feeling a little childish and silly about my excitement towards my professor's observation.
"so, i have decided that i am going to mentally restart my new year this weekend, because, well, because i can." my professor laughed defiantly.
well, i can too. to remedy my mental and physical health i have started acupuncture treatments. i am trying to get enough sleep and eat better. i am now making an earnest attempt at not drinking so much. i am only working one day/week now at TUSD so i can devote myself to my studies. i sat down and figured out my budgeting plan so that i can still go to school and only work one day/week...and somehow not get behind on my bills (fingers crossed). all in all i am trying to make a shift in my psyche so that i no longer feel afraid/intimidated to really "go for it" in grad school. the past two semesters it has seemed like some unreachable thing... like i can somehow do grad school "on the side." grad school will not be a hobby anymore.
so, "yay!" for the chinese year of the tiger. things are finally lookin' up.